Dark Lord Dirk Lloyd the Early Years Free Read
Gloom 8th, 2011
Greetings Puny Humans!
I, the Nifty Dirk, have completed the greatest story ever told, to wit, my auto-biography,Nighttime Lord: The Teenage Years, published by my unwitting pawns, Orchard Books. I say auto-biography, as my lickspittle writer slave, Jamie Thomson, actually wrote it, but 'twas under my command, have no doubt of it! And I had to apply the lash. Copiously. It'due south a lot of work, applying the lash, y'all know!
Anyhow, this chiliad tale begins with a savage curse. My arch enemy cast a spell upon me, regressing me into the body of a wretched 13yr quondam human child and exiling me here on this disgustingly vile place yous call earth, where you foolish humans – failing to recognize my true greatness, as you lot so frequently exercise – thought my proper name was Dirk Lloyd rather than Dark Lord and sent me to school! Oh, the horror of information technology, the shame! But I shall exist avenged, oh yes, and so I shall!
Now I turn my considerable powers and evil genius to the task in hand – selling the greatest story ever told. And that means you, human scum! Purchase my book in vast quantities or you shall endure the Wrath of Dirk!!!!* (I need the coin – you lot have no thought how expensive Orcish Legions are these days!)
Insincerely Yours,
Dirk Lloyd
The Seal of Dirk, Master of the Nine Hells, Magician Supreme, Lord of the Iron Tower of Despair, the Evil 1, He who must non be named, His Imperial Darkness and his Majestic Dirkness, Dark Lord of the Iron Belfry, and height of his class in Scientific discipline. Evil Science, of course.
*The Wrath of Dirk may include some, none or all of the post-obit:
1: Cleaning out the Orcish latrines in the Iron Tower of Despair
ii: Assignment to the Dungeons of Doom
3: Struck with the Charm of Sudden Baldness, the Cantrip of Uncontrollable Flatulence, and the Hex of Hideous Hives. Or worse, the Claw of Ripping Death!
4: Detention – in the Atomic number 26 Maiden.
5: Turned into a mindless zombie lackey of the Dark One
6: Various unspecified wildly improbable vexations, disturbances and disruptions.
Disclaimer: Note that the Wrath of Dirk may be unavailable in certain areas and times due to Detention, Suspension, existence sent to the Headmaster or other factors like Court omnipresence or Law Arrest.
The Atomic number 26 Tower • Plains of Desolation • the Darklands
Source: https://dirklloyd.wordpress.com/
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